WHY Some WOMEN Choose THE WRONG MAN Time and Time and Time Again by Lynn Norment


Note on video playlist: I selected a various of videos that deals with this topic.

I personally don't agree with many of them, but I decided to add them on anyway for that you (the viewer) can get a large range of opinions. Click the grey box to select what video you want to watch. Mark Wells

WE all know women who repeatedly get hooked up with the wrong man. The pattern of disastrous love is rather clear to everyone around them, but these blinded-by-love females do not seem to notice that they always fall for the same kind of man--the wrong man, and it never works out.

Perhaps you are a victim of blind love yourself. Maybe you thought you had finally found your love match only to realize much later, many heartaches and agonizing nights later, that Mr. Wonderful was not so wonderful after all. In fact, he was pretty much like that other awful man you thought was your true love, or the past beau you felt you could not live without but had to when he left you for that other woman.

Most times it is not just bad luck that steers women to the wrong man time and time again. Sometimes the pattern of loser-lovers is indicative of a deeper, more serious flaw in the woman's personality or character. Or the problem may stem from the woman's family history. And it usually is rooted in lack of self-esteem and self-love. In addition, far too many women blindly get involved with man after man without stopping to assess what went wrong in previous relationships. "Many women do not evaluate themselves or their relationships," says Dr. Joyce Hamilton Berry, a clinical psychologist in the Washington, D.C., area. "Consequently, they do not recognize the similarities that attract them to certain types of men."

Dr. Berry explains that when a woman repeatedly chooses the wrong man, those bad choices attempt to fulfill "needs" that sometimes go back to the woman's childhood, back to the time when she was not capable of analyzing the information at hand. Women who grow up and see their mothers in bad relationships, or grow up with fathers who are abusive, alcoholic or addicted to drugs, as children they watch these situations and think of ways their mothers should resolve the problem. "When they grow up themselves," says Dr. Berry, "they select men who are very much like their fathers. When they grow up in abusive families, they marry men who are abusive because they want to change the man. They tell themselves, `I can do what mommy was not able to do.' They are influenced by childhood fairy tales in which the prince rescues the damsel in distress, and they believe they will live `happily ever after.' They believe that you can take a frog, or a man with negative
characteristics, and kiss him, and he will turn into a prince or, rather, the man of their dreams."

Relationship therapists suggest that the best time for a woman to start or to renew her quest for a healthy relationship is when she is not involved. Ideally, the woman should be what Dr. Ames-Dennard calls "relationship-free" for a minimum of six months, preferably an entire year. "You really need to take time out," she says. "You need to break that cycle, end the pattern of bad relationships."

Even if she is still involved in a relationship, the woman can start by making a chart. She should list the qualities that she wants in a man and a relationship. A second list should focus on the actual qualities of the men she has been involved with. Whereas many women might list "good looks" or a "sense of humor" as desired qualities, traits such as trustworthiness, kindness, honesty and financial responsibility often are not at the top of the list. She then should analyze why she continues to be drawn to men who clearly cannot or do not address her needs. Dr. Ames-Dennard says at this point a woman must be willing to "really dig deep inside yourself to figure out what you are doing wrong and why."

Just as important as being clear about the kind of man you want is being clear about who you are as a woman, as a person. Women must make an effort to enhance their own self-esteem and learn to love themselves first. A woman with healthy self-esteem may at times experience heartache and anger and disappointment, but she will recover and move on.

Men will come and men will go, but she will continue to be her own life's work.

CLICK HERE FOR THE ARTICLE Do black women choose the wrong men1?

CLICK HERE FOR THE ARTICLE Do black women choose the wrong men 2?

CLICK HERE FOR THE ARTICLEDo SBW chase the wrong types of men?




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